What Is This Thing Called Love?
What is LOVE? I could probably ask all of you to give me your own personal definition of Love and I’d have a few hundred different answers…which is OK by me. You see LOVE is seen, felt, experienced through your lenses, so therefore YOUR experience of LOVE is unique unto you.
I do know this, LOVE is the answer, and don’t ask me what the question is, it doesn’t matter. Of course, the world isn’t entirely ready to hear about LOVE, because if it was our Planet Earth wouldn’t be in the shape it’s in. If we were ready to understand LOVE we would not have wars, not judge the people on the freeways, and not have prejudices.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am still working on loving a lot of the things that piss me off. Let me rephrase that for you. I am working on accepting that what I see “out there” is merely a reflection of a part of me “in here” that I need to understand and then accept. It’s the shadow self, the mirror thing, call it what you want.
If my LOVE cup is empty I cannot love you. If I don’t love myself, I therefore don’t know how to love you. Think of it this way…like attracts like. So if I think of myself as unworthy, or live in the victim neighborhood, then I am going to attract to me things that vibrate on that same level, (or live in the same metaphorical neighborhood). Are you still with me?
Giving & Receiving Are the Same
Love is the Heads and Tails of a coin, it is the Giving and Receiving. When someone is giving, someone else is receiving, and both parties are experiencing a facet of LOVE. If you are offering me something, you are acting out of love, and the same thing goes for me when I am accepting your “gift”.
You see it brings you pleasure to give and it brings me pleasure to receive. When I refuse help from a stranger on the street I am taking away from him. If you think about this for a few minutes I believe you will see it in another light, another angle you may have not considered before.
OK let’s say I am having a party and you ask me “Is there anything I can bring?” and I respond “No, I’ve got it handled.” Well, I’ve just taken away from you the pleasure and the gift of giving. In this day and age of the “independent” woman, and the “super moms” and yada, yada, yada…most people are totally missing this simple human exchange of love.
I learned this lesson the hard way. I was one of those “super moms” and Ms. Independent until I realized I was robbing people of the joy of giving. So the next time someone asks you “Can I bring something?” tell them “Yeah, bring a bag of ice”, (or anything simple)…you will make their day far more than you realize.
So for this Valentine’s Day…just go about your daily activities and give and receive love everywhere you go because “Heads or Tails” it’s all the same on the Coin of Love!
“Love is STILL the answer…it really doesn’t matter WHAT the question is!” ~ Eva Starr
What You Seek, Seeks You
I have this uncanny knack lately to think a thing and then I find it. Mostly it happens with small items that I have an apparent need for in my home or kitchen. I find a multitude of these items at the Goodwill or The Salvation Army both within a block or tow of where I live.
The other day my apartment manager asked me if I would make a 1/2 sheet cake for a baby shower she was attending for her daughter. I told her I would do it. The problem was I didn’t have any 1/2 sheet pans. The very next day I went to the Goodwill with a female friend who wanted to check out the Goodwill near me, and lo and behold I found TWO commercial 1/2 sheet pans, for $3.99. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Especially since I started keeping a synchronistic journal it happens with greater freqeuncy. Of course I am still working on some of the more challenging things, but I am the one that holds it in my consciousness regarding the bigger things. If I had the same feelings about everything they would come in the same manner. So how do we bring the “challenging” things into our lives? Same way you get to Carnegie Hall, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!
If you haven’t started a synchronistic journal then I highly suggest you start one. Get a journal and everytime someting happens that most people might call coincidence, write it down in your synchrosnistic journal. Meditation on a daily basis will also bring you closer to your source, God energy.
Other ways are keeping a “God Box”, or a “Wish List”, make Treasure Maps, or just simply start talking about things in a non-chalant manner as if you had them. The Universe doesn’t know the difference whether you drive a Volkswagon or a Mercedes. I’ve talked about this stuff a Godzillion times, just do it!
For more on The Magical Creation Box (scroll to page 70)
What It’s Like on the Other Side
I started reading a fascinating book Sunday afternoon, which I had heard about Dannion Brinkley (the author) before but never read his first book “Saved by the Light”. Saved by the Light is a story about a 25 year old South Carolinian that gets struck by lighting, is clinically dead for 28 minutes and proceeds to go into the light, glimpses Heaven then returns to his body.
This book (Secrets of the Light) is the third in a series dealing with what goes on beyond the veil. Since Brinkley’s first experience with death in 1975 he’s had two more near death experiences and once again was given the opportunity to move beyond the veil. The book itself is an eye-opener to those of you unfamiliar with life after death.
I myself am no foreigner to these concepts due to my work with clients and past-life regression. When I lived in Cleveland, I regressed several clients to their death scene in the past-life regressions and witnessed each and everyone of them recite almost identical to me what that experience was like “crossing into the light.”
I share this with you because I am absolutely impressed with the accuracy of Brinkley’s account of the hereafter and his work with Dr. Raymond Moody “Life After Life”. One of the main points that Brinkley drives home is there is no you, me and them. There is only ONE, yeah that’s right ONE existence, we are all connected, pieces of the puzzle, one WHOLE unit…not separate WHOLE. Need I repeat this? WHOLE! Do you get it???
I will leave you with this thought…if tomorrow you crossed over into the light and your whole life would be shone to you as a panoramic view of every single thought, deed, and action toward every human being you came into contact with would you be OK with it?
“If your life would end today, could you face your movie? If not maybe it’s time to re-write your script.” ~ Eva Starr
|How to Improve Your Luck My step-mom sent me an article (quite awhile back) from her Readers Digest magazine on improving your luck written by Richard Wiseman. I was so intrigued by it, that I’ve saved it and read it several times. According to Wiseman, “Lucky people seize chance opportunities; creating self-fulfilling prophecies through positive expectations; and adopting a resilient attitude that turns bad luck around.”Over a period of ten years, Wiseman conducted tons of experiments on what makes some people lucky and others not so. I’ll let you read the experiment itself, (it is actually quite mind blowing) How to Get Lucky
The lesson: Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because
they’re too busy looking for something else.
Lucky people see what is there rather than just what they’re looking for.
To sum it up this is what Lucky people do differently:
“One of the biggest differences between LUCKY people and the rest of the world is Lucky People CHANGE things around, move out of their comfort zones and aren’t afraid of taking RISKS! ~ Eva Starr
|What Fox Medicine Can Teach You
During this morning’s meditation I drew the Fox card from my Animal deck. I usually write the date on the page in the book (as a record to myself) when I draw any of the cards. It was NO surprise to me that this page was loaded with dates, (I obviously draw this card a lot).
OK, I thought “WHAT” is it that I’m not understanding in my life that I repeatedly draw this particular card? Each time I read what it says about fox medicine I hear something different, which I didn’t catch the last time around. The reason I am sharing this with you today is because I feel we can ALL learn from the Fox.
“Adaptability” is one of the keywords in fox medicine, adapt to the changes that are happening, (coincidentally I’ve had TWO dreams in the last week or so where tons of change (coins) was the main symbol. OK, I’m not a total idiot I’m very aware that not only has my life been through a plethora of change (to put it mildly) but I am headed for more change. One would think that I’m adaptable, (maybe by your standards) but obviously not adaptable enough for the path God has laid out for me.
Fox is the master of camouflage and shape-shifting, watching, observing, standing in the shadows ready to be “at one” with any situation that comes in its path. Its sense of smell, eyesight, and hearing are keen, enabling the skills required to be known as a “survivor” (that’s good news for me).
I’m going to sum it up for all of you, (just in case one of you may feel “stuck” or in a “rut”):
For more on Fox Medicine
“Shape shift yourself into the FOX, then LOOK, LISTEN, SENSE and SMELL your way around your surroundings…you’ll be better prepared when it’s time to act. ~ Eva Starr
…and that my dear readers is to find something you absolutely LOVE doing that keeps you fit. For me, I discovered hooping at a street festival down the street from where I live in Escondido, CA. I bought a hoop and like most new fitness routines, the hoop sat around collecting dust for awhile. I think it was because I couldn’t really get the hang of it at first, and my living space is a bit cramped for the massive size hoop that I have.
There’s a gym in my building right down the hall from me, and since I live in a Senior living complex (yes, I’m 56) the gym doesn’t get a whole lot of action. I myself got the courage to take the hoop to the gym and “Go Wild” since I’m usually the only one in there. I always have my I-shuffle connected to both ears with the music jamming letting the music move me, my soul and my hoop. See demo Hooping 101 with Eva Starr
Don’t get too rigid in your exercise routine, I do about 6-7 minutes on the elliptical machine and then hoop for about 3 songs…usually a total of 20 minutes in the gym. That seems to work for me, and I don’t mind going when I know I don’t have to stay for an hour or so. People are too obsessive with the right amount of time, the right place, or the right clothes, it’s never going to be perfect. Doing a few minutes “every” day is better than missing your routine because you don’t have the time, or don’t enjoy what you’re doing. Everybody can commit to a few minutes of FUN!
Hooping works for me and makes me feel alive, I’m just not ready for pole dancing. Go find something you love and just DO IT!
One of the books that I am presently reading is When God Winks at You by Squire Rushnell. Basically it is a compilation of different stories of the synchronicities in our lives which Rushnell refers to as “God winks.” I’ve always understood that there are “no”coincidences in life, much to the dismay at times to some of the people in my life who think more rationally than myself.
The premise of the God winks is that just when we’re about to give up, or lose faith, God sends us a little sign to let us know he’s thinking of us and hasn’t left our side…similar to the “Footprints in the Sand” poem.
Think about the last God wink you received and what was going on. Didn’t it come at just the right time? There’s a story in the book which I’m sure by now all of you have seen go around the Internet and back several hundred times about the young kid named Cory in school who was kind of a nerd and people picked on him. Well, this particular day Cory had decided he was going to commit suicide so he emptied his locker of all his books and carried them home. A bunch of mean kids knocked the books out of his hands and Cory’s glasses flew to the ground. Another kid named Matt helped him pick of the books and invited him to a party later on that evening. Cory became valedictorian years later and told the story at the commencement.
Unbeknownst to me Rudolph Giuliani’s (former mayor of New York City) story is also quite remarkable but for another reason. The year Giuliani was running for the Senate against Hillary Clinton he was told by his doctor he had prostrate cancer and needed to drop out of the race. Giuliani was upset and asked God, “why me, why now?” Giuliani was to find out sixteen months later God needed him to stay where he was (and not run for the Senate) because he would be invaluable to the people of New York during the 911 tragedy.
You see God DOES know what he’s doing. I read somewhere that once we cross over to the other side we see it all, then everything makes sense. God sees our life from a vertical view much like if we were watching an ant farm and taking it all in. God sees the whole picture right from where he sits, and every piece is in perfect place just like a puzzle.
I was having a rather bad day on Saturday and started crying during my morning meditation and asked God and his band of angels to send me a whole bushel basket full of God winks. Well, it took some time but later on that day I started receiving God winks little by little one at a time, and I had to smile to myself.
So the next time you think God isn’t listening, or he’s not doing things according to the plan YOU have in mind…just sing yourself that Garth Brook song “Thank God for unanswered prayers” Garth Brooks “Unanswered Prayers” and remember God DOES know what he’s doing. Start keeping a God winks journal and you’d be surprised how often he winks at you throughout a day and night.
“Just when time is running out and the last grains of sand are running through the jar, look up at the Heavens God may be getting ready to send a “wink” your way.” ~ Eva Starr
Control Freaks Please Stand Up
Let’s face it, there’s a little bit of the control freak in all of us, (as you will soon find out when you take the quiz below). We all have a need to control something in our lives, but what’s healthy and when have you gone too far?
Growing up I always heard my Dad say “It’s My way or the Highway” and he probably still thinks like that today, BUT my Dad cut me a lot of slack in my life and let me learn life’s lessons myself through trial and error, which I was very grateful for and still am today! It was my mom who silently stood in the background trying to control everyone and everything that came within 100 yards of her radar, (which she still does today).
I happen to be a strong personality and my mom’s clutches failed to capture me into her snare, (which is why I was ex-communicated from the family, and labeled the Black Sheep). She still weaves her spider’s web but without me in it. The entire experience is what it is, and I was able (through much forgiveness work) let my Mom continue to be who she is, and my Dad who he is.
Do you have rigid rituals that you absolutely won’t budge from? Are you your own worst enemy and severely critical of yourself? Do you try to control the outcome of situations because you just “know” it would be better for everyone concerned? People who feel out of control themselves tend to become controllers. Deep down, they’re afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety.
Working with domestic violence as long as I did, I understand yet another area of control, a volatile existence which could blow up at any time and put you in harm’s way. If you feel you may be involved in a controlling relationship, there is help available for you.
Before I go any further, stop and take the two quizzes below, to find out where you stand on the scale of control. (Go ahead I’ll wait).
When my youngest daughter Shayna was in grade school I read a book and took a course on Parenting with Love & Logic. I highly recommend this if you’re a parent. I wish I would’ve studied it sooner. It basically highlights the different approaches of parenting so you can see for yourself, if you’re on of those controlling parents, (which I was).
I thought I was doing the right thing by teaching my girls right from wrong but what I realized is I wasn’t letting them make their OWN choices. For example, if it’s cold outside instead of INSISTING that your child put on his jacket and starting an all out Cold War, simply ASK him whether he’d like to “wear the blue jacket or the red jacket?” This approach literally saved my life and taught me how to allow my children to make their own choices. Sometimes as parents we think we know what’s best for our children, but allowing them to make their own choices is empoweringand they’ll be better off later on down the road when you’re NOT there to tell them what to do!
I wasn’t always that way and I had to learn the hard way. One year when I was married to Fred, my second husband and Neysa was about eleven years old we went to the 100th Bomb Group for a huge Thanksgiving Day buffet. Everyone was dressed in their Holiday best and we had been through the line once or twice already and it was time for dessert. My oldest daughter Neysa wanted to go up to the dessert buffet but hadn’t eaten her stuffing. I told her to eat her stuffing before she could go to the dessert buffet. She said she didn’t like it. Well myself playing the role of Mommy Dearest so perfectly insisted she eat the stuffing before dessert. What happened next instantly cured me of ever making my kids eat something they didn’t want to ever again. She threw up all over the table, yep, right there for the whole world to see!
I’ve come along way since those days…
What you CAN and CAN NOT Control…
- You can’t control the weather BUT You can control moving to weather you like
- You can’t control your In-Laws BUT You can control how often you visit them (and vice versa)
- You can’t control the behavior of your spouse (or anyone for that matter) But You can control if you stay with them or not
- You can’t control a mean-spirited boss BUT You can control whether you stay or go, and you can mentally bless him everyday
- You can’t control who your kids fall in love with BUT You can control how you chose to raise them and the activities and people you introduced into their world
- You can’t control the government BUT You can vote, petition, boycott, etc.
- You can’t control all the chemicals they put in foods BUT You can control where you shop and what you choose to buy
Now let’s talk about money and the power money has in the hands of the people who hold it…Money gives people a lot of control but we can also make choices in how we deal with money and the power issues involved with money. There are too many control issues involving money for me to go into here but a common one is children who come from wealthy parents and IF they don’t live according to the code of rules the wealthy parents have laid down then they risk losing all their inheritance, (which many children have given up for freedom.) Then there’s all the horror stories I’ve heard about parents and their children’s weddings. If the parents are footing the bill that does not give them carte blanche to call all the shots, it’s not THEIR wedding. Thank God arranged marriages are a thing of the past (or are they?)
Where Does Control Come From and How to Let it Go
- Control is rooted in FEAR
- Control is attached to a certain outcome
- The energy of Surrender accomplishes more than the energy of Control
Making the shift from Control to Surrender simply means letting go of the oars. Here’s a few questions to ask yourself to help you make that turn around:
- What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control? (is Byron Katie ringing a bell?)
- Who’s boat ARE you in? Control what’s in YOUR boat, everything outside of your boat, is everybody else’s business and NOT yours!
- Would letting go feel like freedom?
For more info Control & the Art of Surrender
“If you’re not sure if you trying to control something…ask yourself what’s in it for you?” ~ Eva Starr
With this past full moon in Cancer that occurred on January 8th, @ 11:30pm PST it’s a time of releasing and letting go before the Chinese New Year. The upcoming Chinese New Year, January 23rd is bringing in the year of the Water Dragon. We might want to think about clearing out all the clutter in our lives and letting go of things, people and belief patterns that no longer serve who we are and who we are becoming before the Chinese New Year.
“The Moon is going to bring the tides in and bring the tides out…take heed for that huge luminous silvery ball in the sky is telling you something about life.” ~ Eva Starr
I’ve been working on this blog for awhile now, then last night I had a dream. I’ll get right to the point, (for those of you who know me that could take days). The dream pointed me to a specific page in a particular book that I’ve studied several times. As I awoke I went straight to the book and there it was “releasing the need.”
When working on ourselves and working with affirmations we can look at yet another avenue, hence releasing the need for the particular thing. Take this blog for example, if I wasn’t so concerned about it being perfect I would’ve had it up and running ages ago. Which takes me to releasing the need for perfectionism. If I sat with that for awhile I could ask myself “why does everything need to be perfect?” Well, some things in my life don’t have to be perfect, like dusting, I don’t DUST! PERIOD! Yet again, I guess I feel other things need just a tad more of my crazy obsession with perfectionism.
Going into my psyche a little further I could think hummmmmmmn the perfectionism thing hinges on other people’s approval. Now I could release the need for other people’s approval, which again in certain areas of my life I don’t care what people think. For example, I used to shave my head when I lived in Cleveland for about six years. Certain male individuals would say to me “how do you expect to get a man with hair that short?” WHAT! Are you freaking kidding me? I don’t care what people think about my hair, I wear it for me not them. Let’s not even talk about are men that shallow, that they date you for your hair?
Let’s end this with look at whatever addiction, dysfunction or rut you’re working on and ask yourself what is the need for that particular issue then look in a mirror and say out loud (while looking deep into your soul) I am releasing the need for __________. While you’re at it you may enjoy this article on Releasing the Need for Chaos and Control (for you exercise freaks out there) at the Tiny Buddha.
Starronthefly blog is dedicated to people from all walks of life, the young at heart, the wisdom filled sage, and those simply searching. My intentions are for this to be a place where the wounded, hurt and confused can come to have their souls fed. I hope to inspire and empower you with little snippets of metaphysical lessons I encounter throughout my week. Lets laugh, love and cry together in this huge classroom called Planet Earth. Thank you for allowing me to serve while pursuing my passion, life itself. ~ Eva Starr